John and I went to a wedding recently, which has prompted me to think about love. Right now I'm too tired to garden.
I haven't loved all that many people in my lifetime, really, truly, deeply (we're talking adults here, kids and animals have their own special categories). But I am exceedingly grateful for having the love I do have and have had in my life.
Love often gets muddled up with other things. People sometimes expect you to love them by virtue of a relationship, regardless of how they behave or treat you. I've never been someone who could love just because. That's created complications with people who expected me to love them and do certain things just because. It seemed to be more about their wants and needs. I might have cared a lot, but it wasn't love, it was obligation and sacrifice. My experience is that guilt doesn't make people love you and vice versa. Sometimes people hold on too tightly. Life is busy, people get overwhelmed by the day-to-day stuff, the need to make a living, their own desires and ambitions.
For me love is about being known, understood, and accepted. Warts and all, riding through the times when you and they are grumpy and not the best. Being able to show those parts of yourself that you don't let others see, because you're not all too sure about yourself sometimes. Being able to share, somewhat grudgingly but safely, that maybe you're not always a good person and could do better. Much of this is experienced in a good friendship, but love is different. Love is still standing when a friend might walk away. It gets tested and strengthens over time.
Love is special and rare. It could mean something entirely different for you, and that's fine with me. But if you have it in your life, cherish and protect it. And yes, I do need some rest!
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