Confession: I have never been particularly good at delegating to others or accepting help from others.
Recently John weeded one of my gardens at the Homestead. Rather than being happy about having his help, I found myself annoyed, experiencing a mixture of guilt and inadequacy. I'd dropped the ball, hadn't done "my" job and he'd felt he had to intervene to sort out what he saw as a mess. John didn't see it that way at all! He'd thought he was doing something nice to help me given the huge gardening workload I've taken on around Struan Farm.
And so I tried to explain myself to him and to me, why I feel the way I do when someone steps in to help.
I'm an eldest child. I grew up being made to be responsible. For myself and pretty much everyone else around me. I was independent at a relatively young age, working to put myself through school with jobs, scholarships and loans. While I wasn't raised by wolves, I wasn't looked after all that much, at least relative to my friends. Families I babysat for adopted me informally, as well as the families of several friends. But I became quite self sufficient.
I have always seen this as mostly a good thing. I was able to look after and do things for myself. I didn't have to rely on others, and seldom do I actually ask anyone for help.
It's taken a long time to dawn on me that sometimes other people actually like to help out, and those gestures should be welcomed and appreciated rather than rebuffed.
I'm still learning life lessons, okay?
Oh Karen, so familiar to me. I am reading Brene Browns books, a fellow American. She did a talk on Ted talks, vulnerability, really worth listening to if you have not already heard it. She hits on the stuff you are talking about, and it is powerful in the Robertsons, at least me.
Be kind to yourself.
Hugs and love Julie
Posted by: Julia Marmont | 02/11/2017 at 09:01 AM