Lately I've been thinking about aging, after finding myself pleased to get a senior discount off hotel rates in California for an upcoming trip this winter. The discount made the decision easy to stay there for three rather than just two nights before heading off to stay with friends. I wasn't embarrassed to declare my age, which is below 65 but over 60, so within the scope of eligibility for the discount.
This situation was in sharp contrast to my tantrum two years ago when a check out clerk at New World market in New Plymouth asked me if I had a Gold Card, which the NZ government issues to senior citizens 65 and above. I contacted the store manager to suggest to him that it wasn't good marketing to be accusing ladies of being considerably older than they were! He apologised profusely, and they actually stopped the practice. Smart decision.
But times change as do we. While I'm not keen to depart this life any time soon, there is an inexorable march in a certain direction whether we like that or not. But I also don't want to limit my activities or world just because of a number. John and I have been having this conversation quite regularly. We both have aches and pains (and actual injuries) from working outside. His are "man pains," so much more severe than mine, and as a result his moans are louder. Unlike me, who bailed on the corporate world years ago, he is still involved in several professional commitments. These have very different stresses and strains to my work in the gardens and the farmstay at Struan Farm, I appreciate that. But I can also sense that he's starting to limit his thinking, a slippery slope. When people start telling themselves they can't do certain things because of their age they start buying into that. I am not suggesting that we do things we shouldn't and risk injury, this is more about head space, mindset. Being positive rather than negative.
On the other hand I worry about friends and fellow baby boomers who are trying to deny their ages and aging. For men the issue seems to be about virility and strength, for women it's their appearance mostly (hair colour, skin, body shape, attire, make up). Too many of us look like we are trying hard to hold onto something that is slipping away. At a certain point when taken to extremes that becomes rather pathetic. I know that 60 is the new 40, but 70 simply cannot be the new 50. We need to stop that and practice acceptance of who and what we are, be content and happy. And maybe that's the nut of the issue, are you happy or not? I'm not suggesting anyone stops colouring her hair and go grey if you don't want that, or let yourself go to the pack. Taking care of oneself is important. But it's the thinking behind why you're doing it. And p.s. don't look like a tart, that actually ages you more than you think.
There remains quite a disconnect between how we view ourselves and how others view people older than 60, especially in the media. When John got his Gold Card we had a laugh about the photographs on the brochure, which pictured a guy who must have been 80. The brochure instructed people turning 65 to make sure they ate a healthy diet, saw the doctor about medical problems, got flu jabs, duh. The message hasn't gotten across that people in their sixties aren't elderly the same way people were twenty years ago. We have discretionary income to spend. But no, we don't want to be sold funeral insurance!
So we shouldn't limit ourselves or allow others to limit us. But we can't pretend we're forty anymore, that just doesn't work. Have I made any sense?
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